Well hello there. My name is Jack. I’m 30 years old, 6 feet and swimmers physique. I’ve always been very athletic.  I’m originally from a small college town in California. The town has less than 50,000 people that live there on a full-time basis. It is mostly comprised of students. To get into the university you have to be, as I had always been told, smarter than smart. I can’t say that I’ve ever really enjoyed school.  But, I did get into the university. I’ve always excelled in everything that I’ve done.  I was always in the top ten percent in school. I was valedictorian at my high school graduation. I was accepted to every, in my nonhumble opinion, a university that counted.  I lasted one semester.

     One day, as I walked to my least favorite class, I was approached by a rather unassuming man in a black suit and very expensive patent brogues.

Suit man said “Hello Jack”

I said, “I’m sorry, you have the wrong person.”

Suit man said “No. Your name is Jack. You grew up on Middlebrook Lane and your parents are Phil and Jane.” 

     He then proceeded to tell me all about myself. From my academics to my umm slightly unfortunate run in’s with people that have resulted in, we’ll say leaving them a bit bruised and battered. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a good person. I only fight when I find myself in a predicament that leaves me no other solution. I have always tried to do the right thing. But, sometimes the right thing just isn’t enough. Some people just don’t understand that there are consequences to their actions. They’re so selfish and don’t think about anyone but themselves. So, when the right thing doesn’t work, I do the other thing.

 Apparently, suit man knew all about this. He asked, “ would you like to go and have a coffee and a chat?”

I said, “I have a class to get to.”

 Suit man, “Jack we both know you don’t like the class. Or school.” He continued, “we have been watching you for a while. With your intelligence, athleticism and aggressive or shall I say stern nature we believe you would be an excellent choice for an opening in our company.”

  I met with suit man on Saturday. I dropped out of school on Monday.  On Tuesday, I explained to my parents that I have been offered an excellent opportunity to use the skills that I already have. With their non- blessing and my father’s threats to cut me out of the will, that my mother said he hadn’t written yet. My mother explained that father believes that if he writes a will he’ll wake up the next day with a fatal disease. With that, I left for training on Wednesday.

   I stopped by my basic mechanics class.  I have been helping the teacher out with some of the classes. Our teacher, Mike, told me that  I had done so well with oil changes and breaks that he likes to show me off to the new students that aren’t sure of themselves. He’s such a sweetie.

Mike said, “If you ever need any parts just stop by and pay the wholesale price.”

 I did stop by once. But, it was just to ‘borrow’ some used brake pads. They were so old. They couldn’t be used safely any longer. Honestly, it wasn’t like they were going to be missed. Mike also said if I wanted to I could definitely have been a wonderful mechanic. I agree.

 Before heading home, I stopped by the nursery to get some chamomile. I’m learning to make my own tea. I loved the botany class. I want to make a nice basket for Patrice for Monday. She’s so sweet.  Chamomile is good for calming the nerves. I just have to make sure to use enough that it’s actually effective.

   Sometimes, I am cheap with the main ingredients and it takes a while to notice anything.  I really thought Jennifer would have complained about her vanilla almond milk much sooner.  Due to my weight, I have developed diabetes. I have to make sure to monitor my blood and give myself shots every day. I absolutely hate shots. But, I can’t complain too much. With the teeny tiny needles that I use I can’t feel a thing. I can’t even see where the needle went in. They’re so small that Jennifer never saw the puncture holes they made when I added a little something extra to her doughnuts and almond milk.  I was just lucky she liked her doughnuts sweet and coffee even sweeter.  

  I had the most wonderful walk. I stopped by Sam’s Florist and treated myself to a nice lucky plant.

  I normally get one at the beginning of the New Year. But, why not start now? Every day is a new day to start a new life. My psychologist told me that once. She’s nice. I try to be a good person, polite person, sweet and fun person. But, sometimes, I get angry. I have mean thoughts and sometimes I do, we’ll say ummm not very nice things. I wouldn’t harm an animal of course.  Those people are crazy! But, I’ve been working with her for the last two years and I think I’ve made great strides.

  My psychologist also told me that I needed to get out more. Just going to work and the shops weren’t enough for someone to be social and lead a normal social life.  So, I started taking evening classes.

 I began with cooking and then botany classes.  During the botany class, I met a nice lady that said it’s a good idea to take a basic car maintenance class. She took one and said that it really made her feel, “empowered.”  I thought to myself that I’ll learn how to change a tire, do some basic maintenance and meet men.  I can be “empowered” and have a good looking man. How in a class of 20 was the only man the instructor?  This was a noticeable disappointment. But, I did learn A LOT. I actually excelled.

    As I was walking back to the office, I noticed people from the building outside surrounding someone on a stretcher. Next to an ambulance! Oh my goodness. What could have happened?  I saw Dennis standing by the steps.

    I said, “What happened and who did it happen to?”

    Dennis said, “It’s Jennifer. She was coming back from the break room, got to the door, said something unintelligible, clutched at her chest and just fell.”

   Didn’t I say she looked sick earlier? She hadn’t looked exactly what you would call ‘healthy’ in a while. Her hair was thinning.  Maybe, that’s why she wore it up in a bun. Most days’ she was complaining about not feeling well. But, I thought that was due to her overly healthy diet.  Eating that much fiber can’t be good for you, can it?

  Everyone was standing around looking panicked. Patrice was saying prayers and looked as if her world had just come crashing down. Jessica lit a cigarette and was told off, by the security guard for smoking, next to the entrance of the building. She put it out and walked back in and blew a smoke ring inside the entrance. May I add, I’m pretty sure I saw her smile. I like Jessica. But, sometimes she comes off as a bit strange.   

Inside we tried out best to console Patrice. Dennis waved a magazine over her face to cool her down. 

About an hour later Jennifer walked back into the room. She leaned against the doorway. 

I said,” You don’t look very well.” “You look tired and a little sweaty.”

Jennifer replied, “I said I never feel good after eating and drinking from Mack’s.”  With a tired expression she continued, “Anyway, I decided that we’re not going to have a party this year.” She walked away, towards the bathroom.

  There was a collective sigh that I’m sure Santa heard.  Patrice looked sad, Dennis turned on one foot and stomped off and Jessica put her middle fingers up.  That part was done when Jennifer was far enough down the hall.

    I sat back down and continued typing up my profile for the singles site that I had joined last night.  I had taken at least 30 selfies. Different outfits and angles.  Back arched, lips pouted, lips normal, a happy smile showing teeth, nice smile, no teeth. I’m trying to make sure that I have all of the looks covered. I need to convey that I may be smart, independent and classy. But, I’m also friendly, sexy and really happy!

  This time I’m going to meet someone.   Ooh, it’s lunchtime! I think I’ll go out and walk around the block. I am going to get serious about this losing weight thing.

    The rest of the morning went well.

    We started discussing the team Christmas party. I think it should be done with tastefulness and fun.  Most of my ideas were shot down by Jennifer. Honestly, who doesn’t like karaoke?  The Christmas party is a time to let your hair down and have fun with your coworkers. 

Jennifer said, “No one wants to hear anyone else sing” “Besides, I’m the only one in a relationship. You’ll all be coming alone. Who are you all going to sing and dance with?”

Jessica asked, “How do you know we’re all single?”

The bitch, I mean Jennifer continued, “Maybe, we should save the company some money this year and not have a Christmas party.”

Patrice said “We work so hard all year. We deserve something nice at the end of it.”

Dennis, who normally acts as if he doesn’t really care about anything happening in the office, said “I’m going to start practicing my Beyonce’. I love her!”

 Jessica yelled from across the room, “Who the hell doesn’t want a Christmas party?!”

I said, “Everyone wants a Christmas party. It’s a nice time to get together and have fun. We don’t talk about work and we can get to know each other even better.”

 Jennifer sighed and said, “No. ALL of us don’t want a Christmas party.” With that, she walked out of the room.

Dennis said, to no one in particular, “Someone’s bun is a little too tight today.”

  The rest of the drive was uneventful as usual. I always stop at Mack’s Doughnut Shop to pick up something for the break room. It’s usually a two dozen mixed assortment and five coffees. I’m not sure how I became the designated gofer. But, I am. Sometimes, I’m just too nice.

    I got to work and brought everything in, by myself. I don’t really mind. But, it would be nice to have a little help.

    Patrice said, “Hi Maggie.”

    “Hi Maggie,” said Dennis.

    “Hey, Mags!” screamed Jessica, from across the room.

    “What time do you call this?” asked Jennifer.

      Jennifer is the manager of our team. She became manager last year. I remember it as if it was yesterday. She came walking in with her long blonde hair in a bun, smart looking gray suit and red bottoms and started giving orders.

   I said, “Hi Jennifer. I’m sorry for being late.”  No, I’m not.

   I continued, “It was really busy at Mack’s” 

   Jennifer said, “Maybe you should find somewhere else that’s closer and less busy.”  She continued saying, “Besides, every time I eat or drink something from there I don’t feel well afterward.”  

  Trying to keep my real feelings out of my voice I said, “Well, I don’t have to stop and get anything.”

  Jennifer looked at me, with one perfectly waxed eyebrow, and said, “Then who would?”

    With that, I handed her a cup of coffee and doughnut. Everyone else just asks for sugar and creamer. Jennifer likes hers with extra sugar and creamer. I’m not sure why she asks for the extra cream. She never uses it. She only uses the vanilla almond milk, that’s kept in the shared refrigerator. Written across the container is, ‘MANAGER JENNIFER MC DONALD’.

 Tuesday morning Jennifer said she could tell someone else had it. She came out of the break room, with the bottle and with a grimace Jennifer said, “It has an ounce less today than it had yesterday.”

 She continued, “Now I don’t mind sharing a bit (yes she does) but you can at least ASK.”

  No one said anything. Trust me; I would know if someone else had drunk from it.