I filled out my profile, added some pictures and joined. I then scrolled down the profiles and women in the age range and city that I’m looking for. Not here of course. I would rather drink bleach. Within the first five minutes, my inbox started to fill. I found a few ladies. One, in particular, seems okay. Even though I’m considered a very good looking guy, I can’t say that I care so much about looks as I do a personality. The city I actually live has some of the best plastic surgeons in the country.  As I like to say, “God made you and plastic surgeons” Not very catchy. But, I like it.

     As I sat there getting ready to respond to one particularly interesting looking woman the thumping started. I just wanted to sit down with a glass of wine, crackers, and cheese and look for a soul mate.  I got up, put on my work clothes, black pants, turtleneck, gloves and my favorite neoprene full face mask that’s made for comfort. Over those, I put on a pair of gray sweat pants and sweatshirt. I shoved the mask in my pocket and headed out.  Now do I want to be up close and personal?  Orrrr do I want to be back and keep it clean? Oh, the conundrum. I finally decided on up close and personal.

     I walked out of my apartment, locked the door and walked across the street to the market. I’ve done this before in the day time. You have to run across four lanes of two-way traffic. But, it’s quite convenient. Doing this also makes sure that you’ve been seen on the cameras of the parking lot and in front of the building. There are no cameras that actually face the apartment’s hallways and front doors. I’m assuming it’s for privacy. There’s also no security on site, until eight pm. Of all the places that should need full-time security, it’s this place. It’s only seven thirty.

     I got to the other side of the street and walked into the market. Said,” hello” to the Gloria, that’s always in the floral department, down the produce aisle, past the poultry, and out the back exit. Left my sweat pants and shirt next to the door, pulled my mask down and walked away. There is a reason that I was set up in the nasty apartment complex.   After saying “hello” to Gloria she bent down to the panel below the counter and turned the angle of the cameras to face the middle of the store. Most major markets have at least one of our people in there. Very handy. I walked out back, went around the side of the market, crossed back over the street down the side road that leads to empty abandoned office buildings. I then hopped over the fence that is directly at the back of the apartments. It is pitch black. I told you this place is dangerous. There was no one around. I kept to the darkened areas that anyone can be hiding to jump out and mug you. Which are most of the areas. As I neared the front of my apartment I could still hear the damn thumping of the music. You can hear it from outside their front door. Now imagine being on the other side of the wall that the speakers are next to. I really do hate Steve and Joe.

   I stopped, picked up a rock and threw it at the light bulb. I kid you not, there’s just an uncovered light bulb that lights up the front walkway for our row of apartments.  It’s not just dangerous here it’s also plain tacky.

   The rock hit the bulb and sent the entire walkway into complete darkness.