I had to pretend to work for a while. Cheryl came in to see if I needed anything. I don’t think she cared. She had a slight smirk on her face when she asked me if I was okay. She said that I looked a little warm. I told her that I was possibly coming down with a cold or something.
Chris also stopped by to see how I was doing.
Chris asked, “How are you doing in here bro?”
What the what..bro? Seriously, he called me bro.
Chris said, “I heard a yell earlier.”
He said that he heard me yelling earlier. Seriously that was hours ago. If he was that damned concerned he would have been by already.
I said, “Well bro I was just speaking to my mother and she gets a little dramatic sometimes.”
Chris said, “Well if you need anything just let me know. Sometimes, we men need to talk and get our feelings out. It’s not healthy to keep everything inside.”
Fuck your feelings, BRO!! I wanted to say. But, I didn’t.
I just said, “If I find some feelings to talk about I’ll come and find you.”
He laughed and walked away. I could swear I heard him say, “And that’s why you’re in trouble.”
Everyone seems to have a lot to say under their breath today.
I’m going to call Susie and see what’s happening at home. I waited a while because I didn’t want to hear any hysterics. She always overreacts to everything.
“Hello! Thank God you called back!!!” Susie said frantically.
“What’s happening and why does Becky hate me?”
Susie said, “Frankie the police and FBI were here this morning. Becky’s school called and said she’s going to be expelled and every college she’s applied to has sent her text messages saying that they may have previously said she sounded like she was going to get in. But, ow they’re going to all have to review her status due to a bullying alert that went out to them!”
How can colleges even know that I’m supposed to be a bully? How do these people even know who I am?
What the absolute F!!?
“Where is Becky now? What did they ask you and what the hell did you say?”
Susie said, “She just got home from school. She ran into her room and slammed the door shut. She won’t come out. She said you’re a bad man. I’m paraphrasing actually.”
Susie continued, “They asked me what organizations you belonged to, how long have you been a bully, do you bully me and the kids, when did I realize you were a bully, why did I knowingly choose to marry a bully?”
Dear God, Jesus and Virgin Mary I’m not sure who else to add to the list.
“And what did you say to all of those questions?”
Susie said, “I told them that you don’t belong to any organizations because you hate most people. Well, you hate anyone that’s not like you. I told them that you don’t bully me and the kids. You’re just a bit harsh when you give constructive criticism. Like when you tell me I’m too fat for my favorite dress. When you tell David that he needs to stop crying and man up. When you told Becky, after she cut her hair, she looked like a lesbian. Which wasn’t nice. But, I know you are just well you’re just like that. I said I chose to marry you because you were pleasant most of the time and very smart.”
Damn. Pleasant? All of the other stuff was true. But, pleasant? I’m a nice guy. She couldn’t do any better. And she is too fat for that dress.
“What types of organizations do they think I belong to?”
“They showed me some of your messages, from all of your social media accounts, it sounds as if you are, as the kids say, a total hater,” Susie said.
“Who the hell am I hating on?”
Susie said, “Umm, everyone that’s nothing like you.”
But, hey, that’s normal. Like attracts like.
“No one wants to play with David anymore at school. They found out that the police and FBI came by and that you’re a bully. So, they think he’s a bully too.” Susie said.
I yelled, “I’m not a BULLY!!”
Chris ran into my office.”Bro are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m still fine Chris, Bro, Dude, Man.”
I swear if I hear the ‘B’ word, not that one, one more time. I swear I’m going to punch someone.
“I’ll be home as soon as I get off work.”
Susie said, “Okay, Frank. Agent Black said he was coming back tonight. Oh and Frankie.”
Susie asked, “Why do you belong to a private group called, “Ho Ho Hoes?”
Oh, here’s one I just thought of…
Holy Fuckity Fuck!!
Picture courtesy of www.johnyrebel.photography.com